I am moving across the country with my fiancé and he doesn’t have a job there… but I do. How do we enjoy the new city and also give him space to find that dream job?
Cross Country and Confused
Dear Cross Country and Confused,
First, congratulations on the big move! It takes a heck of a lot of courage to migrate across the country and a whole lot more when another person is involved. I applaud your daring.
From your question, I can formulate that your fiancé has willingly acquiesced to accompanying you to a new city without a concrete plan for himself. Half the battle is won, love. He’s thrown in his cards. He’s shown you that he’s all in. Now it’s your turn.
Support him. Love him. This move doesn’t expressly benefit him, yet. He’s going to be a little lost, and maybe a tiny bit woeful. You will be his wall. He will be reminded, by your presence, by your tenacious care, of the reason he chose to make this move, the reason he chose his relationship with you over his relationship with his job. At this vulnerable point in his life, he will need you more than ever.
But don’t ever throw his vulnerability in his face. There will be days, awful, tiring, long days, where you’ll want to. When he says no to picking up those organic grapefruits from the local supermarket, don’t get irritated and tell him that he has nothing better to do. When he snaps at you when you painstakingly describe the grisly details of your spanking brand new co-workers, understand where he is coming from. When a week becomes a month and he begins to lose hope, lift his spirits. You are his champion. He is yours. Don’t ever forget it.
But know this, love. He is not your responsibility. He is your treasure and gift, but never your burden. He will find his way. Never doubt that.
In the meantime, however, the city is yours for the taking! There is a new playground waiting to be explored. Explore it! Discover what you adore about the nooks and crannies and pockets of the city and allow them to ease you into the transition. Make wonderful, wild memories. They will give you reason to love your new home. They will give your partner reason to smile.
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